First I want to apologize to my Fairy friends for my being so late in my posts as of late. I have had some difficulty adjusting to my new role as a mother. No, I am not a new mom but a mother of two kids that are growing up. Yes it is normal for our kids to grow and move on, and I know this. Nut when you are as close to your daughter as I am, well…. It is hard to let go. But let go we must. Right?
See my daughter is more than just my child, as unusual as it may sound she is my best friend. We are frick and Frack. We go everywhere together, travel and talk about everything. I feel her pain as a mother should but you see, our closeness is the only thing that really grounds me. Yes, I know this is not usual as I said earlier.
So what has changed? M beautiful daughter has her very first boyfriend. They have a beautiful relationship, she could not have picked better. Some one to love her, and a family that adores her. So I am happy for her. Even more so because I am still her confidant, which makes me incredibly happy to be able to help her with advice.
Again what is the problem? I find myself the third wheel, and have been told by some or rather questioned why I don’t feel uncomfortable hanging out with m daughter and her beau. At first, I ignored it. Tried to rationalize it, that I am the driver, the person that tales them to the fun destinations and pays. I was fine in my denial. The ugly questions have poisoned me and now I feel mire and more uncomfortable simply hanging with my best and really only friend. The loneliness is setting in.
I am going through a sort of separation anxiety that I suffered when my kids were little. Now at 27 and 18, they are leaving and I find myself truly alone. Getting old is hard. coming to the realization that I have lost my partner in crime is even harder. But I love seeing my daughter flourish. I love to see how her guy looks at her adoringly. I love how my son has found his love and is now getting ready for the next phase of his life. See I wouldn’t changes these things for the world. But now what?
I left my house at 18 and spent 29 years with one person that really didn’t want to spend time with me. So I lived with and for my kids, who are now grown up and leaving me behind. I know it is a selfish remake but my heart hurts and I don’t know how to make it stop. See those ugly remarks said to me have hit their mark. Let the doubt of my closeness with my children fester and take root. Is being close with the ones you raised so bad? Have I lost myself? Should I distance myself and let them be?
Growing up is hard to do. So forgive me for being distracted and not posting. I have had a lot of growing up to do and struggling to the reality of my being alone once they have left the roost.